Dear Diary,

There are lots of things I did as a child that I am not proud of, but one of the ones I am most ashamed of is how clingy I used to be. You remember A***, right? Well, I just realized how big of a fool I was for trying to keep our friendship going for all these years. Around me he was mostly a prick anyways, why did it matter if we were friends or not? I'm pretty sure any chance to rekindle any sort of relationship bigger than "acquaintances" is as big as the chance of finding Atlantis right now.
It is funny, really; looking back and seing how it turned out like it did: me being a clingy idiot that didn't know when to give up and A*** trying to make us play the "will they, won't they" more than they do on TV shows, only instead of romantic relationships we are talking about friendships.
The thing is, I'm pretty sure he isn't a bad person. It is just that we weren't and still aren't compatible. He is full of himself, has a big ego and wants people to do as he says. I used to be very hot headed, and while I am not anymore I am still too stubborn to be some kind of follower if it doesn't suit me. I hate people full of themselves with a burning passion (in fact, that was one of the major factors that ruined the friendship, at least for me) unless they actually have a reason to be like that (If you are usually amongst the best at things you put your mind to be as arrogant as you want, if not then the door is that way) and I couldn't care less of your achievements if you don't say the story attached to them; that is the most interesting part for me. He was loud and seems to have gotten louder as time passed by while I got from loud to quiet. We are both selfish to an extent, and two selfish people aren't going to make the best package.
Those differences made for big arguments as we grew up, and with him thinking he is always right and me being too stubborn to give up (at least at the time) we simply couldn't get past our differences and get along. The tipping point was one summer when, when I went outside to spend time with our (at the time common) friends, he said something along the lines of "Oh no, what is that thing doing here" and I got angry and said " 'That thing' has a name, you know?" and then it evolved into an argument, again.
It was stupid of me to try so hard to try and keep that friendship going for so long. If I hadn't been so clingy maybe we could have been on friendlier terms, or maybe we still would have been nothing more than acquaintances. But trying to force something to work when it is clear, time and time again, that the ending will not be the one you want is only going to make the disaster bigger when everything inevitably crumbles. I think I subconsciously learned that lessons years ago, but only now did I realize it.

Last edited by Diana Banana (2018-11-20 09:27:07)