I always wondered how do people get to the point when they simply aren't enough for themselves.One thing is to not be enough for someone else, which is ok in my opinion, but a whole other thing to wish more from yourself and not be able to achieve. Now I got to this point and I cannot answer.I am naive to think that you will answer me, I know, but I've been told to write down anything that troubles me.It kind of works to tell your concerns to somebody you know will never tell anybody.How could you if you don't even answer me?Somehow, when you do so,I mean when you finally decide to let your thoughts to the surface, you basically speak to yourself, but it doesn't sound embarassing at all, because you don't hear your voice.You don't expect an obvious answer..but you expect a hidden sign.You won't hear an opinion that will bother you, but neither an advice that will help you.You won't feel like the words stuck in your throat when you're trying to describe your condition, but no one will remind you to breathe through the tears.You won't see judgemental eyes, but you will not feel a warm touch.You will not have to explain yourself in front of anybody, but no voice will ask if you are ok.Then it is never enough.What a cruel irony must be for those who want to become more but can't.Why can' t they and why can't I? Do I lack motivation so much that it drags me underneath human condition? Is it better to thank myself for who I am and let the improvement come on its own? And if it doesn't come should I be as pleased with myself as before? But I can't be happy with less when I have to have more, to be more! And you can't answer me, so then, dear diary, you are not enough either!
dear diary
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