Dear Dr. Phil. I got a big problem and you're the only one who can help me. "Why me?" you might ask. Because you're Dr. Phil, duh. So, I got accused that I have 514 kids made with 480 woman. Also, I need to pay like 800$ a month for each kid. Are you out of your minds? You know how many cigarettes is that? Not even you can count to such a higher number, and you're Dr. Phil. I know, crazy right? The thing is, all of this is partially true, but I need your help. You need to make me look innocent. I know that right now you're saying to yourself "Damn, what a man! He fucked 480 woman and he made 514 kids. What a father!" Please don't be jealous. I know that not everyone can do as I did, but hey, you can always try. Anyways, the reason behind this letter is to ask you to participate on your show with all of the 480 woman and their children. I'm planning on doing the paternity test, and I expect you to say that I'm not the father of 514 kids, even thought I am. In return, I'll give you an audience that not even Cabral could dream of. I'll wait for your answer in maximum 1 hour, or I will fuck even more woman and I will make even more kids. I'm warning you, I'm very dangerous!

The best regards,
     
          The man who fucked 480 woman