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You are here » Teacherovi's English Forum » Unusual » Story of my injury


Story of my injury

Posts 1 to 4 of 4

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It was a cool summer day and I was staying in the back yard with my family. My aunt from Germany was visiting us and we tried to make everything perfect for her and her kids: the atmosphere was calm and peaceful, my mother did her secret pasta recipe, my father was telling jokes and I was playing with Ianis and Andrei (her children). They are young, Andrei has 9 years ....... and Ianis 7 years .......... .
At first we were playing table games but they got bored and have suggested that we should play hide and seek (pretty basic if you think about it). Ianis was counting first because he was the younger one. So, just to make an idea in your head, .........[linker] I have some stairs in my yard..lots of stairs actually,made of concrete, and at the end of them i have a flower garden. So i was trying to hide in that garden but i had to be really careful because if i broke one flower my mother would have literally bury  me in that flower garden.And then I fell. I fell all the way down on those stairs and I injured my whole body but most seriously, I injured my face. I was coverd in blood and my face was just half injured. But that injured half was from a horror movie, you would have screamed if you had seen it.
My parents were terrified so they took me to the hospital. While that doctor was cleaning the wound I was crying because IT HURT SO BAD!!!!!! I was so  ashamed  to go out with that face, I had more insecurities than usual and I didn't know how to hide it.
                At first, I convinced my mother to let me stay home for a week or so because I could't stand the looks people gave me. But the moment came,and I had to go to school. I wasn't fully recovered and back then the children were very mean because of the age and stuff like this(they were like 12, I was also a kid  then). Of course they started to make mean jokes, and they were saying that i was gonna have a "zombie face'' for the rest of my life. From that episode I started to think that most of my flaws exists because of that injury. It took a month or so to fully recover and it was awful because I didn't know how to hide it anymore. The kids even wanted to touch it but  I would slapped their hands because they could have caused me serious infections.
               This experience damaged me somehow but also put me on my feet. From that moment I was always careful and I took really good care of my body because I could never go through that kind of situation again.

Last edited by teacherovi (2019-03-30 08:43:11)

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I like the fact that you tried to describe how you felt because of the wound. And I am not talking about the face injury, I am talking  about the feeling you felt while recovering. You pointed some tgings that happen a lot in schools, things about the insecurities people feel when they are not ,,perfect''. however, I fell like the story could be even better if you add some more events or maybe if you describe the injury more.

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3

It was a really nice story, i liked that you described how you felt a the hospital and during school with all the kids being mean over an injury. I would advice you to try and make more complex sentences ,because yours seem a bit short and as a reader it gives me the impression that you are rushing the story. Try to take your time, give small details, in my opinion they make the difference from a 6 to a 10.

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4

Hi! I really like your essay and I think it's a pretty interesting one, as you framed them in this composition. I think you have a pretty good English, and I recommend you keep it that way. I liked everything in this composition! Good luck next! You're doing some interesting essays! :cool:

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