It’s 4:00 am. The clock hands spin so fast. I am dizzy, my head hurts. I can’t get out of the bed, cause that might ruin the last bit of sleep I supposedly have left for today. I’ll sit here waiting for hours.
The stress is eating me from inside, and I can’t stop. I can’t stop thinking about my entire life as a series of all-nighters without my consent. I just want to get rid of it. All the things I see because of the lack of sleep, all the dizzy mornings, noon and afternoon, the constant feeling of being useless. I don’t know how much I can live with it.
I don’t feel happy in the barely existing  times I get some sleep. I don’t feel like I’ve won something. I only think about the fact that I’ll have to wait for another 30, 40, maybe 50 hours to sleep again. Doctors may call this `anticipatory anxiety’. I like to call it `constant state of sadness, weakness and anger’. Doctors may also tell you that this, insomnia, may cause you other diseases, and, finally, early death.
I have tried everything. I’ve tried every single remedy you could think of, and more. I remember writing a list of things I should try. I also remember cutting it in little pieces while crying in a corner of my room. It’s weird, cause I don’t remember a lot of things. That’s why I’m not the best student, even though I’d love ..to... being proud of myself. And making my parents proud, they need it so much. They can’t help me, and I slowly, but surely start to feel that nobody will be able to. How sad, you might think. A 16 year old who already lost any hope for life.
It’s 4:03 am. I’m tired. I’m angry. Nervous, anxious, sad. I’ve been up for 53 hours now, my new milestone. All I can do is wait.

Last edited by workinprogress404 (2019-03-23 14:26:30)