Usually, I am a perfectionist. That means I am also organised. I like having precise plans and schedules, but right now itís hard to get back on track after this long period of being a mess.
For some reason, since I started the eighth grade, I suddenly couldn't focus on anything anymore and I've started wasting a lot of time. I'd start doing something, then brag about how hard it is, just so that I'd finish the stuff I had to do hours later. I have to admit, most of it was my fault. I didn't know how to manage all the work I had to do. I got very tired at some point and my whole schedule kind of collapsed. I used to sleep a lot after I arrived from school. Basically I did the most of my schoolwork at night, then I was sleeping a couple of hours in the morning, around 3-4 am.
It was chaotic and as the exam was near, I was drained of any kind of energy. I really worked a lot to get the best grades. After the last simulating exam, I thought it really worthed it. I got very good grades and I was extremely proud of my hard work. I had the same crazy schedule after this, but I didn't regret it. I told myself this whole situation would make sense after I'd take the exam and see the results. Well, expected or not, it wasn't quite like that.
The exam results came and I was quite disappointed of myself. They weren't very low, but not as high as I felt they had to be. All the nights spent studying, all the extra homework, all of it... I started to see it as a complete waste of time. I felt that it was all so pointless; I didn't even sleep or eat properly because I was trying extremely hard to get... What?
Now, months after that, I changed my mind a little bit. I figured out I was quite dumb to push myself to that much of a limit for some numbers on a paper. Life is so much more than that. And I really forgot what life is at that time. I'm still not sure if it was a waste of time or not, but it sure made me realise that I should never do that ever again: forget about everything around me, and even myself.