Iíve been thinking about this topic for a few days now, to be honest. And I found so many situations when I didnít act right, when I didnít really know how to deal with a stressful  circumstance and it didnít end in the best way... Most recently, I realised that I was a big, big fool, when I had a massive row with my ex-best friend.
I decided not to mention this personís gender or name. That might say something about who I am, and we donít want anybody to find that out right? Iíll reffer to my ex-friend as X.
I had been friends with X for three years until we had this big fight. I really liked the fact that I could be friends with someone for this long, and from my perspective, we had lots of great moments, happy ones. However, we were fighting a lot, no joke. We had an argument every day sometimes, once every three to four days, but never less than that. There wasnít a single week in which X wouldnít get mad at me for some dumb reason or wouldnít make me feel bad about myself and the way I was trying to manage things in my life. X couldnít see anything good, any compromise I did and they were only thinking about themselves.
This whole thing had been going on for almost 2 years when we had our last row. Every friend of mine who knew about this whole situation told me that X didnít deserve my forgiveness anymore. But I was still overlooking Xís behaviour, for the sake of our friendship. I didnít accept any advice about this, because I believed there would be change at some point and we would be on the same side. Nobody dared to say it straight to my face, but I was extremely ignorant about this.
The scenario was happening exactly the same way every time. I started to change my behaviour due to this. I was extremely stressed and loud, I would yell at my parents and my siblings a lot. People started noticing this. I isolated myself from anybody else, just so that I could (maybe) please Xís needs. X was very jealous, and wouldnít really accept me having other friends. It was pretty rough, but I really tried to make it right. I actually thought that, underneath this behaviour X had, there lied a lot of affection that could only be seen by me. I trusted X a lot and I forgave this person every single time. But it seems that it still wasnít enough.
Around Xís birthday, I dared to ask my parents to sleep over at X's house. First, they accepted and we were both extremely happy because we had dreamed about this moment for a lot of time. Unfortunately, the day before the sleepover, something tragic happened in my family and I was broken. I couldnít go to Xís birthday. Even if I was crying for hours, they couldnít understand that it wasnít my fault and blamed me for not reaching happiness. That felt horrible and it stressed me out. We kind of made peace after that, but things got colder and colder, until the day X told me they didnít want to be friends with me anymore. I cried again and it hurt me, but after some days I accepted it and tried to get over it.
Now, more than a month after that happened, I had come to realise... I was such a fool. Everybody warned me but I didnít want to listen. I was so kindhearted and X didnít know how to appreciate it. I was such a fool that I was the one who was hurt. But I promise, I wonít make this mistake again.
This being said, keep in mind: accept any kind of advice and donít let anybody use you. That is not a friendship. Itís emotional abuse and it will haunt and affect you for a long time after you break off all ties with the masked abuser.

Last edited by workinprogress404 (2018-10-18 08:06:21)