English Forum at "Mihai Eminescu" High School in Iasi

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You are here » English Forum at "Mihai Eminescu" High School in Iasi » Everyday stuff » A whole day at home


A whole day at home

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It was a sunny day. I woke up knowing it was the most important day of my life. It was my birthday and I knew it was going to be special. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. I opened it. I saw someone holding a small box in her hands. I took that and I thanked then I opened quickly. It was a present from my mother. Because she was at work she sent me this with the help of a person. Inside the box was a lovely white puppy and it had black eyes like some olives and it was wonderful and it was also very friendly.  I was very happy because I received what I had wanted. After this, I went to the kitchen and the puppy followed me and it jumped on a chair. I saw on the table a portion of pancakes. The small dog wanted to eat and I returned to the place where I let the box. There wasn't anything useful. I  went to the fridge and there I found a bottle of milk and I put that in a bowl. The pet ran to that. After this, I ate the pancakes and I drank a glass of juice. They were  delicious because they had chocolate and candies on them.When I finished my breakfast I went in my room. I listened to music and I read a book. After one hour I started watching a movie. At a certain time I heard a strange noise. I went to the hallway and I was scared. Everything was destroyed. Someone knocked on the door. There was my mother and next to her was my father. I realised that I had forgotten about the dog. When they saw wherewith the house looked like they were really angry. I apologised to them, but they didn't let me to keep the puppy and I was very sad.My mother decided to give the pet to my grandparents. I could see it on the week-ends. The rest of the day I spent with my best friends. They helped me to clean the house and then we served a lot of delicious cookies prepared by my mother.
      That was my birthday, a day with happy and sad moments!

Last edited by star444 (2018-11-10 19:49:45)

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The plot itself is quite good, although you could develop some moments and please, use some linkers, otherwise the reader won't understand when you went from one idea to the other. Pay attention to the spelling of the words, some of them lack one letter or are spelled and written wrongly. As I've mentioned before, you should somehow put an accent on the transition between two or more ideas. For example, you were talking about your birthday, about how you got the puppy, but then you suddenly said that you went in your room to listen to music or to do something else as you completely forgot about the puppy. At the end, you bring back the birthday and the fact that you spent it with your friends. Your story is like a rollercoaster, it goes up then ,out of the blue, it goes down. Try to be constant and develop all the key moments of your composition. :-)

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