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You are here » Teacherovi's English Forum » Unpleasant » My current illness


My current illness

Posts 1 to 2 of 2

1

A: "Get away from us, it was our choice not to..."
    B: "We won't hurt him, we promise..."
    A: "Your promises mean nothing to us..."
.........................................................................................................................................................
We both woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I walked out of my room, without my slippers, barefoot on the freezing tiles. I woke up from a horrible dream and to make matters worse it was early and I felt tired. Mother told me to get used to waking up early as the summer had almost passed and as the school was drawing nearer and nearer. I crawled to the kitchen just to find Mother already awake... well sort of. She was sitting down opposite from where I was standing (because I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw her like that). She was pouring coffee with her right hand but her usual mug was put staying with its mouth-opening on the table. You can imagine that this way, all the coffee was flowing out on the outside of the mug, all the way on to the kitchen table and then dripping on to the tiles and the rug. Strangely enough, her eyes were wildly opened and looking in the direction of the mug, but it was obvious she wasn’t thinking of what was happening right in front of her; her mind was somewhere else, thus she didn’t notice me walking into the kitchen. I sat down and something must have triggered her and she came back to ....the..... present, looking confused.
“Alas! What a mess!” and then she added nothing.
We both ate breakfast, not saying a word to each other. While she was cleaning the sticky floor, she told me: “Why don’t you have some fun with Woody today? School is going to be back in a flash and you must play until then because you won’t have as much time to do so.”As I began to express how happy I was, she started humming, gazing into space or so it seemed, without listening.
I ...had... dressed and then met with Woody, as Mother had advised me to. He showed me his two bicycles, both of which looked grubby. We wiped away the dust and the spider webs and brought them outside to light. In the sun’s light they looked even worse. However, my 9-year-old self didn’t think for one second that riding them might be dangerous.
We both settled ourselves astride on the bicycles and started riding them back and forth in our cul-de-sac. To no one’s surprise, my bicycle’s front wheel froze and my bicycle rose in the air and I fell on my face.
I tried ...to... getting up… I could hardly see the cloudy sky and a figure bending its knees beside me.  A few minutes later, I woke up on my sofa with a bright light coming directly into my eyes. It was Mother who was trying to figure out where all the blood came from. She was very scared and stressed and for the first time that day, she was really focused and nothing else, but my accident, seemed to be on her mind.
“Don’t worry honey! We need to get you to someone who knows how to deal with this. I won’t let them hurt you!”
I didn’t know what she was talking about, so I thought I misheard her. However, 20 minutes later I was already on my way to the hospital, laying lying on my back in the back of mother’s car. She gently got me out of the car and helped me get to the doctor’s room. She staggered a little before going in; it was as if she had a bad feeling about going in.

He scanned me briefly for less than 1 minute and started whispering to his assistants. They immediately got a hold of me and started tying me up to the chair that I was sitting on. Mother just couldn’t take it. She started telling the doctor how unprofessional he behaved and told him that we are were never coming back.
“I thought you came here to get help for your boy” he added rather gloomy
“Yes, I want what’s best for him.”
“Then why don’t you let me do my work?” he furiously said while tying me up again.
“Don’t you dare touch my boy again!!”
“M’am, calm down. We just need to perform a quick painless surgery in order to…”
“Get away from us! It was our choice not to give you permission…”
“It might be more than just an accident. She might have…”
The voices started to fade away.

The bleeding stopped and never came back. The doctor kept calling for a while, leaving lots of vocal messages that I wasn’t allowed to hear. My mother became anxious whenever her phone rang. I am sure now that the doctor was trying to warn us about my current illness.

Last edited by othellos78 (2019-03-20 15:25:02)

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2

Great composition! It is well written and the plot is easy to follow. I can sense some intriguing backstory about the mother's reaction to the the doctor's suggestion, but the fact that it wasn't actually presented makes it more mysterious and dramatic. It's nice that your story doesn't really have the school-like structure and you included an injury and an illness. However, I think you should have developed more on those aspects and talked about your feelings, instead of your mom's. Overall, it's an awesome story. Good job!

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